yippeeeeeeeeeee

hey again it's josh on march 26th, 2025 at around 1:55 in the PM.

I've had myself a very interesting few days. I finished a script, I went back to work at the opera, I got flowers from a date, I got a taxable paycheck for the first time in over 120 days, I've been active on a fetish forum as a shitposter, performed as a RAT in a music video, stood my ground against a presumptious roomate, and trimmed my hairs.

I'd say that's pretty neat and the most interesting time I've had in Chicago in the three years that I've been here. Being unbound from the romantic relationship I was in prior has definitely helped me not feel restricted by my inhibitions. I feel like myself for once. I have always been so afraid of being myself. My interal world is so insane and fraught and paranoid so often that I feel like if I let any of that energy out into the world, it would consume me or push the people I want around me away. I thought that my natural state would be perpetually crashing out.

On the past few dates that I've been on, I noticed myself being a little bit more cagey than usual. More than the first date jitters you know? Like when you try not to come off as a total freak or reveal your interior world too much in the hopes that they touch your ding dong? I was holding my tongue and really not being my authentic self. What else is new? Over the past few nights and converstations with my new partner and some of my friends, I've come to realize that the light inside my soul that made me unique was being dimmed by circumstances I've been needing to get out of. There was a tamping down of my impulsivity in an effort to maintain consistency which I assumed others needed to feel comfortable. I should have realized this sooner than I did. I was so hung up on the fact that I'd never find a meaningful connection with someone else, that I just kind of took it for so long. The light was almost extinguished. The light started to come back to life when I was away in LA, healing among people that love me. In the time left that I'm in Chicago, working and living, I'm taking time to discover ways to stoke that light, to give it more energy.

I just had a yogurt with honey granola and blackberries... never kill yourself folks.... LOVE YOU!!!!

Don't Feed The Cat Twice In One Morning, He'll Get Used To It

Good morning! It's Josh G on Tuesday, March 18th, 2025 at around 9:46 in the AM. It feels weird, this feels like my earliest blog post entry I've ever written. I think that's cool! My sleep schedule is resetting itself to something more managable.

What woke me up today was a little paw reaching underneath my door this morning, scratching, trying to get my attention. I missed my ex's cat. I don't want to be presumptuous, but I think that he likes me a lot better than he ever liked them. He hung out with me nearly the entire day when I returned home. I missed feeding him in the moning. Helping a little life like that feels good. I couldn't get a cat myself because I know that I couldn't be there for him all the time. He's got this permanent scowl on him that only makes me want to squeeze his stinky little cheeks. I adore this animal.

Anyways... I've been listening to k-pop this morning for some reason. There's some songs that I really enjoy, but they remind me of my previous previous ex, so I'm doing exposure therapy to reclaim them as something that I ENJOY alone. IDK how to end this. Maybe I'll update the post throughout the day. I'm gonna go write some more rat menace now. PEACE

The Crashout Arc Begins...

It's Josh for real for real on March 15th, 2025 at 10:53 in the PM. Saint Patricks Day! Or at least the observed day. It's on Monday lol. Today was good. I learned a lot of my friends are single again, which tracks. They're all sons of bitches with their dicks where their brains and hearts should be. I love them.

Dawg I've been a model employee for too long it's time to go off crazy style. I am turning heel this year, folks. Villain arc incoming! Crashout from the seasonal job!

I saw the moon this morning. It was hiding behind the misty cover of clouds from the rain the night prior. I lost my line of sight with it, and desperately tried to find it again. I was standing on the train platform, hoping to get a better view from a higher elevation, but it was gone.

It vanished like it was never there.

big dick is back in town

It's Josh G on a Friday March 14th, 2025 at around 12:53 CENTRAL TIME.

You heard that right folks, I'm back in Chicago finally. I'm not too happy about it! I've spent the better part of the past two days trying to reset my sleep schedule, but I simply cannot for the life of me. I started watching Twin Peaks: The return again last night. I hope that the freakiness of that show will rub off on me in the coming nights as I need help dreaming again. I've noticed my dreams are much more vivid when I'm stressed.

I've been rearranging furniture pretty much since I've woken up and I've come to the conclusion that I need a new desk. I don't care for that fact. I hate getting things shipped to me and since I don't have a car right now, that seems to be my only option. This desk I'm currently using is way too wiggly for my comfort. It's also way too close to my window for comfort. I'm sick of my big ass gaming computer that I built in 2020, I'm thinking of changing it up and getting a little Mac Mini to replace it. I don't game as much anymore (no time) and I really like the Mac ecosystem.

I'm letting you know all of this because I feel myself on the verge of a huge change and I'd like to joural my current state of mind to look back on in a few months to level myself again. I'm very hopeful this change will be for the better.

OH I ALSO THINK I CONCUSSED MYSELF. Yeah I was moving some stuff around right before my flight on Wednesday and I totally boinked my dome on a doorframe. My hearing isn't totally back to normal, but my blurry vision and dizziness have subsided. I don't have a doctor right now, so I haven't gotten it checked out. I've been trying to take as best care of myself that I can. Moving furniture is probably a bad idea but maybe my brain will swell and I'll get more smarterer.

Here's a selection of .gifs that I found to be cute. check out gifcities if you want to find cute, weird gifs archived by the wayback machine.

Born in a diamond mine. It's all around you but you can't touch it

It's Josh G on Wednesday March 12th, 2025 at around 11:07 in the AM.

I like to think I have my life figured out, but every once in a while I get a curveball thrown at me. Maybe I'm in my head too much. I'm applying to become an assistant manager. Something is wrong in my brain. I'm too vague all the time!

DO THE MARIO

Folks, it's March 10th... it's 5:10 in the PM.... oh yeah..... it's muthafuckin' mario time baby.....

for the uninformed, terminally offline people, it's March 10th... that's Mar10... that's mama luigi to you.....



I took a walk around Echo Park today. The geese that live in the park can tell if there's wickedness in your heart. Don't ask me why or how I know this, just know that I've seen evidence of this more than once.

I freaking love the gen 2 pikachu sprite

hey it's josh its 7:14 on Saturday March 8th, 2025. I'm working on cleaning up the site code so I haven't been able to write too much but hey look at this sick ass pikachu gif from Pokemon Crystal

what a cutie

I promise i'm not a virgin

Hey there issa joshua on a wednesday march 5th, twenty twenty five! Can you believe it? Its 3:40PM

Sometimes I embarrass myself when I go back to read my previous writings. Sometimes I think I have some sort of complex or a mood disorder. It seems like I’m a sexually deviant loser who can’t emotionally regulate themselves. I believe I have an isolation problem. I noticed when I spent my time with the beloved people in my life, I distract myself from the horrors of what’s happening around me and realize that life is worth living because of their unending love surrounding me.

I spent the past two days with a dear friend and my aunt, and I felt normal! I got to be by myself for a bit, talk like a human to another human, and had a wonderful time. Although I immediately went back to feeling slightly weird after saying my goodbyes, I still felt a little bit of warmth enveloping me after parting. I love being around my people. They are looking out for me. I want to look out for them too. I love you friends and family.

The Three Divinations - Prologue (Part 1)

In the near future or the recent past, Janice Nichols, better known as her stage name, JonBenet deRamsey runs a psychic reading service out of a dumpy 500 square foot, one bedroom, one bathroom home in the San Fernando Valley, a suburb of Los Angeles. Naturally, the essence of her business attracts some strange characters ranging from housewives trying to cope with the mundanity of their existence, distraught widows trying to connect with their dearly departed, and lovelorn men trying to see if their high school crush still thinks of them from time to time. Nothing out of the ordinary for this line of work.

On this particular afternoon of a sweltering mid-summer day, a eccentric presence that can only rival JonBenet’s will make her first appearance stateside.

Before that, deRamsey’s first client of the day must be met with the grace and poise that all of her clients should expect from the medium. She applies gaudy red lipstick, sloppily dusted blue eye shadow, and a fake mole on her upper lip to imply that she’s of an ambiguous ethic identity which has a closer connection to the spirit realm. She brushes her way past a beaded doorway and out from curtains, strategically placed to hide the rest of her home which is littered with empty Pabst Blue Ribbon cans, Slim Jim wrappers, and uncharged, unsanitized intimate toys. The walls of her “Divination Chamber” are lined with framed newspaper write-ups from decades past, far eastern ephemera, and twinkling Christmas lights to really sell the mysticism. Sitting at the desk in the middle of the chamber is Diane Whitlock, a recently widowed woman.

To be continued… later… maybe…

new pokemon game looks cool

This is Josh speaking... it's 2pm on Thursday February 27th.

That new pokemon game looks tight. I think I might get it.

I love watermelon

You are recieving a transmission from Josh on Monday, February 24th at 1:16 in the PM. You don't know what to do with yourself. You look out the window and wistfully pray for rain in california so the grapes can grow and they can make more wine.

On the topic of beverages, I consider myself a "bev-head". Someone who loves and lives the lifestyle of imbibing little funky liquid treats. Coffees, teas, sodas, juices, smoothies, cocktails, libations all hold a special place in my heart. Today I tried a corn silk tea with some rice notes in it and it was lovely. The residual sweetness from the corn silk was mild enough that maybe you wouldn't notice it if I didn't tell you. It feels like a light drinkable popcorn. I think I might start taking these to the movie theater to get that flavor instead of crunching on popcorn. I have a watermelon soda, and a berry lemon creme soda in wait for me next. I'll update you on their tastes through the upcoming days if I get to them.

I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I may have to part ways with the iPad I bought only 5 months ago. It's the most modern and powerful Apple product that I've bought with my own money, and it has been my main mobile computing device since I let my ex use my M1 Macbook Air as their school computer (they haven't given it back, nor used it extensively). The touchscreen interface, mobility, and connectivity are wonderful, and I am so sad I'll have to sell it to use the funds to return to Chicago. I kind of knew something like this would happen, which is why I invested so much money into it in the first place. This happened to me last year as well. All of the cool stuff I'd collected over the year was sold off to fund the last few months of my extended time off work. I spent most of my working season rebuilding my technology setup. I'm sure this upcoming year, I'll be doing the same.

To whoever gets my iPad on Facebook Marketplace, I preemptively hope you enjoy it as much as I did. To my future iPad or Mac device I get to replace it, you'll be going to a loving home.

I went to two costcos today

howdy it's josh again and it's sunday february 23rd at 3:44 in the pm

I have been thinking quite a lot today about my future and how I can improve it. I don't understand why i'm pushing 30 and I'm still scared of my own shadow. It's frankly embarrassing. I had a conversation with my friend last night and it ended on the note of "you don't have to be someone or something spectacular, you just have to be YOU" and it's been resonating through my skull in a weird way. Ever since I was old enough to figure out what a career was, I knew I wanted to get into an artistic/creative field. Writing, drawing, filmmaking, and photography all enticed me at different parts of my life. If I could play and get paid for it, that would be satisfactory to me. Hopefully I'll end up there soon. I have a lot of work ahead of me to get there, but by the grace of god and the power of friendship, I know I'll make it. I'm god's favorite, and worst shonen protagonist.

I went to two Costco Warehouses today. This was not intentional. My grandmother and I took a lovely sunday drive through Los Angeles and the San Fernando Valley just to get out of the house and just ended up there twice. I've been so cooped up inside after having the courgette-19 and I needed to spread my wings again. It was just the right amount of outside activity to jump start my engine. I've gotta admit, I'm excited to be alive.

Here's a photo I took at the korean market (H-Mart) today.

covid-2000 and late

What's up gang it's josh here on saturday february 22nd at 12:33 in the afternoon

DUDE I have the fucking courgette covid-19 and it sucks such eggs I feel like my brain is broken again and i have no clue if it's even repairable at this point. On the bright side, I'm at home and near my support system. They have gone above and beyond in bringing me back into good health. It's making me think that living on my own so far away from the people that love me isn't worth it for much longer. The opportunity to live like I currently do is very enticing. Yet, in a rapidly declining world, I'd rather be near a higher concentration of people I love so we all have a little more of a fighting chance. It makes me think. It makes me stink.

I stink, therefore I am.

I'm not in good enough health to have made anything of note to attach to this post, but I will say that I do find myself writing a lot more these past few days. I'm currently collaborating on a screenplay for a feature film with my good friend Taj. We came up with this idea a few years back of a immovable object meeting impossible odds in the shape of a boxing drama/comedy set in the 70s. It should be good. I hope we get a chance to make it one day.

thats enough from me for now. I'm going to get myself a covid test and report back if i'm sick or not in like an hour

see ya then!

UPDATE @ 1:57PM - WE ARE COURGETTE NEGATIVE AGAIN WE ARE SO FUCKING BACKKKKKKKKK

lust in the witching hour

what's up my stalkers it's josh again on the 15th of february at approximately 11:32 in the AM.

I had a very interesting evening that is still coloring my mood today.

Nothing outright horrific happened, but I am more confused than I've been in a minute. Love is not dead, it just lays dormant until something rouses the spirit so, and then you're unable to ignore its presence. I've encountered a siren's call that would leave the ship of a less insightful man wrecked on shore. The pull of a potential life away from self imposed responsibilities, on the shore of a beautiful yet polluted beach, a decaying national park, or a two bedroom apartment in eagle rock creating art is enticing enough for me to risk looking like a fool to someone that doesn't deserve my treachery. What a vile person I am to be so vain as to confuse kindness with attraction. This has happened before and it is happening again. I cannot continue to be tricked like this by someone with a perfectly symmetrical face and the inability to say a curse word.

I feel as if I have a demon in me, poking and prodding me to return to a blessed life which I tried to escape. Whatever entitled reason I gave to escape comfort, I cannot entirely agree with now. Maybe the comfort isn't what I feel I deserve.

my 60 dollar a session student therapist will help me process that on wednesdays.

I laid awake for hours after returning home last night with a lustful spirit hanging over my head, the demon of which I share a corporeal form. The Witching Hour had me bricked up. I stole from the souls of women who are trying to survive the only way they know how. I am ashamed and I am excited concurrently. The routine of browsing the boundless library of bodies to find someone who I wouldn't mind looking at for a while, fantasizing about their daily routine and how I can add to it, feeling sympathy when they are disrespected by their handlers, has become grotesque. I have less control of my impulses than I previously thought.

Also, iOS 18 fucking sucks it hasn't worked for me properly in months fix your shit apple my god the on screen keyboard should NOT be disappearing so frequently

widewawwy walentine's day

Josh here. It's the 14th of february, VALENTINES DAY 2025, around 2:59 in the pm

I cannot go anywhere without messing up a shirt that I really like. Today, I spilled a fresh latte onto one of my favorite light sweaters and I'm sure it will stain. I'm not too broken up about it since the shirt was already starting to go, plus it was a cheap thrift store find. I knew I shouldn't have added that cinnamon to the top of the foam. I shouldn't have opened the cap. I could have avoided this.

Somehow this valentine's day, I ended up with a $20 profit off of a lovely person of whom is a fair distance away from me at the moment (chicago lol). I tried buying them lunch and they sent 20 more than I had sent them so they could buy ME lunch. The world is weird.

I spent that extra money on a submarine sandwich.

I love an italian deli. There's an air of the remainders of the old world lingering in the depths of Mario's in Glendale. Nowhere in the US can you get such a phenomenal prosciutto combo sandwich like this. If you can point it out to me, please let me know and I'll be there in about six business days.

I'm working on an animation that I hope to get out by the end of the year. It's about a bird. Here's an image of one bird that probaby won't be in the final product, but I think this character design study was cute enough to share.

post toasties

Hey again. it's josh and it's the 13th of february, 2025 around 4:43 in the afternoon

can you believe it folks? it's raining in los angeles! how absolutely insane is that?

I spent a good amount of time thinking today, hoping to become a poet by sheer willpower. I've been doing this for a few weeks now and I think spite based creativity is one of my main motivators, and that assumption really bothers me. There's space for every type of person to make art, but for some reason when I see something I do not agree with, or think I can do better, that's when my competitive, creative spirit rears its head.

I went to a poetry night on accident the other day and I could not believe how subpar the writing that was on display, especially when it was written by someone who had just lost everything in one of the recent los angeles fires. That soured my opinions on the creative class out here.

Maybe I expect too much.

Anyways I have to go to work soon (boo) so I'm going to wrap this post and maybe this cup of tea up.

god what a total prick I am.

end my stupid life

P.S. Did you know (well im not actually 100% sure of this either) that the more hardcore Vaishnavas do not consume onions nor garlic? There are many disputed reasonings for this, but the one that tickles my brain the most is that the flavor induces the feelings of desire which makes sense. I want more onions and garlic all the time. This is something I discovered while scouring the internet so this may be slightly innacurate or also completely not true sometimes i just like saying shit too

what a website!

Hello my name is Josh G

I made a website a few months ago that was actually really good and fairly well featured, but I left it on my computer back in Illinois. I am currently on an extended stay in Los Angeles and unfortunately I cannot remote into any of my computers back in the midwest to retrieve those precious html files.

I spent so much time on that little website, and even though it looked like hot trash, it was MY hot trash! When I get back there, that will replace this primitive slice of the web with that one.

Here's a remnant of that "lost" website that iCloud managed to archive:

Surely, I'll get this place back into tip top shape in no time.

If you want to know more about me, why? That's kind of weird. I think I just met you.

Fine. I'll tell you a little bit.

I'm a multidisciplinary artist (digital art, writing, filmmaking, photography, and music) with no real discipline to do any of it on a regular basis. I was born and raised in Los Angeles, California and I reside in Chicago, Illinois... for now.

I'm a scorpio and NO you cannot have my social security number.

Too many people already know it.

Neocities seems like a cute place to run a little blog type thing. I think I'll find it quite comfortable for now.